Moving blog...

I will be moving my blog elsewhere because of privacy issues... comment if you'd like the new location or contact me on facebook.

My hopes for the upcoming year...

25 days of camping!

Yes, we survived 25 days of camping. I could write a novel talking about everything we learned on our experience. The adventures we encountered but I just don't have the energy to today. What I can say is although we had days where we weren't sure if this was right we know its very very right. Colorado has already introduced us to so much love and adventure not to mention career opportunities and steps closer to our dreams. We feel so blessed and so happy right now, we are a little too exhausted right now to really rant and rave about how happy we are but our faces show it. We've simplified our life, we've strengthened our bond, we conquered our fears and are getting closer to our dreams. I feel great, I feel alive, I feel like the me I lost so many years ago. In my babies and in my husbands eyes I've found the ability to bring me back out. I am so excited about our days, we stumbled into an amazing log cabin on a beautiful ranch with everything we could want near us, we are in an area that is completely breathtaking and both have opportunities in the near future to quit our days jobs and do the things we LOVE to support our family. There are so many people I wish I could come in contact with and tell them how excited about life I am and how I hope they are. I want to encourage all of my loved ones to chase their dreams and make them happen. Its all possible, it really is. You just have to MAKE it. I've made so many mistakes, I've been so wrong, I've burned bridges but I did those things while trying to figure out who the hell I am and where the hell I am going. I've finally found the path I've been searching for. I have a long way to go, life will get me down, it will be hard BUT I've got it. I have never felt so renewed before. I am full of love and life. I am tired though, those 25 nights of sleeping on the ground and not being able to stop my mama instincts from waking me up at every breaking stick has caught up with me. I am tired but I am happy. :)

We are alive. We are alive. We are alive!

Its the Final Countdown duh duh duh DUH!

Although our countdown isn't nearly as epic as the band Europe's fist raising, head banging ballad (I'm not sure if it qualifies as a ballad), the countdown has officially begun. Brian leaves in four days to start his journey. It'll take him two days of driving and then the day after he arrives he starts work. =/ It seems our life has been down to the last minute for the last few years, getting a new midwife, house, job all a small handful of days before Adeline's birth for example. It just seems that is how the Phigg family works. I'm not going to try to deny its not stressful when life plays out that way but it has given me a tremendous amount of faith in our families ability to accomplish things together. We battle the stress well together and thank goodness for that.
  For now, I'm taking my well deserved "break", I am writing with my youngest daughter strapped on my back as I try to rock her to sleep and Xy is sleeping in! Xy's room happens to be next on my list of rooms to tackle so I am taking this time to update my blog...probably not the most productive thing I could be doing but after the multiple glasses of wine last night, sleeping in an awkward Mama made friends with the wine bottle position and now she has a blocked milk duct, writing is the activity I'm sticking to until Xy wakes up.

And shes up!

I have a few moments before the breakfast demands start pouring out so here I go...

I am nervous for this move but I know that if we don't take this step now we will always regret it. The idea of leaving is much more romantic than actually leaving. ha. I am excited though, when I see pictures of the area I am blown away, I still don't believe this is possible. The photo was sent to us, Carbondale, CO. I'm in love.

Brian keeps reminding me that everything will be ok and I know it will. As soon as we have more details figured out, like housing, the date the girls and I are heading out there, I will feel much better. As of now I'm looking at a month without Brian and that makes my heart ache. He is my partner, best friend, lover, the person who makes me laugh the hardest, the person I know I can be as honest as I've ever been with and the person who always makes me feel better, he is my love. Be prepared for some heartachin' posts in the next 30 days... ha.

Well I am off! Off to convince the 3 year old that it is ok to box up her beloved stuffed animals. I'm not sure how many times I have said "He/She will meet you at the NEW house!" ha :)

On our way to Colorado!!

http://www.flickriver.com/photos/silbecl/3680137816/

I'm not sure if that link will work but THAT is where we are moving! Holy cow! I am beyond myself with that one. I am excited, nervous, anxious, all of the above over and over again. I really have little time to stop and write, I've got less than two weeks before B leaves to Colorado and the girls and I go to stay with my parents for two weeks and then we all move! Packing, cleaning, donating, stressing will be me for the next few weeks. But look what I have to look forward to!! Raising our family in the mountains! Its almost too good to be true (I sure I hope I don't jinx myself with that). We are all so excited. Xy likes to say "We are going to the mountains and we are going to climb it with ropes!" :)

Oregon, its been beyond grand and you will always be my home, I don't usually agree with the statement that all good things must come to an end but in this situation I do agree. I will miss the ivy, the ferns, the moss, the rain, the beauty, the smell, the PACIFIC. Forever in my heart Oregon will remain. But it is time for the Phigg family to move on...

Colorado, I can't wait to meet you, explore you, love on you!

=)

9 months

   Its hard to believe my little Adeline is already 9 months. She has been outside of my womb nearly as long as inside of it. Time flies. I don't post as much anymore and I'm not sure why, I suppose focusing my alone-time energy into other things such as personal journaling, crochet and reading. Not too bad of a thing to admit but I really must try to write here more often, I enjoy sharing my thoughts. I guess that is why I now have pen pals but this reaches a larger audience of friends, that is why I like a blog. Lately, my blog has come last but I will try to do a little better.
   We've been rolling with our constant up and down journey but not all bad, actually mostly good. We've been able to do some really beautiful ass kicking hikes lately so that has been fun, we've also been able to spend lots of time with dear friends and just as a family lounging on the deck and grilling. Its been peaceful and romantic in a way.
   As always a move is ahead of us, at least we hope. B applied for a job in Colorado and so far things are looking good but we will see. I love the NW and it will always be home but I am ready for something different. I am ready to explore, try new places, meet new faces, expand my surroundings. We've done lots of searching lately and Colorado is the place we'd like to call home next. Maybe one day we will find ourselves back in the NW but until then its time to make some new trails. We've decided that even if this opportunity doesn't work out for B then we will continue to look for the right job to get us there. :) Exciting possibilities for us, even if they come in a few weeks or a few months.
   Adeline and Xyla are growing so fast. Everyday I witness their growth. Xyla is always coming up with something clever and witty to say and speaking more like a kid. Its hard to realize shes not a toddler anymore, shes accomplished so much in these few years on the planet, shes been exposed to so much, she makes me so proud but man she is a sass. ha. Nothing like her mother...
   Adeline is as sweet as they come. She bats her long lashes at you, shines her blue eyes and grins with her two little teeth. She is a doll. We watch her physical boundaries expand daily. She is so strong and aware of her body, its everything else she has yet to figure out. But just as her big sis and her mama, she is quite the little diva. My daughters are sweet, cute as can be, hilarious, stubborn and sassy. I adore them.
   I have battled my own battles but finally I am on top. I've conquered some inner struggles and each day I build a better me. I've always had a hard time finding peace within myself, at times in life it came much easier than other times, there are many outside factors that play a role in that struggle as well but I'm finding how to work with them and find that peace again.  I'm accepting my role for now, I am a stay at home mom. I struggled with the feeling of isolation from a social life, not providing $$, you know those typical stay at home mom things but it was a phase.. I realized that this is the best thing I could possibly be doing right now. I don't have to worry about things that don't matter, I don't have to worry about papers, employers, tests. I get to take care of my babies, love them every moment of the day, kiss their bumps and sing them to sleep every night. Just as they watch me grow, I watch them. Its wonderful. We have our own little world here, the dogs, the cats, the kids and I. We wait patiently for papa to return from work and we swallow him whole into our world. Its great. =) We take each day as they come and together we continue, Brian is my partner in this and I'm so glad hes the man whose hand I get to hold. One day I will take on the challenge of other things, dive into school and become a midwife (Yes! I still want to become a midwife) but until then, Life Is Good.

This picture captures them both

My little brown and blue eyed girls

One more just because they are cute

My love and I at the top of Pioneer Peek, a butt kicking hike up but so worth the views!

Happy Summer Solstice everyone! I hope this season brings you laughter, love and adventures!!

We made a jetpack for a friends babe!!

Yep going to have to make another one of these little bad boys! We had a blast making it and our oldest babe wants one now!

The proof of the pudding...

**ADD IN...Ironic enough I just read a blog from "mamabirth" that talks about this a little as well...**


As I sat and read through several different "mama" blogs tonight I noticed something, something that had struck me before but for some reason I never put too much into it, moms, especially us "crunchy', "attached parenting" moms seem to really go overboard on stating exactly what "type" of mom we are. I always see this list of I...cloth diaper, wear my baby, breastfeed etc etc. Its like some sort of disclaimer. I'm not hating on moms for saying "this is who I am and what I'm about..." I've done this, I still do this (and probably have recently), I just don't understand why us moms feel that we have to constantly prove ourselves to the world. I know "mainstream" society seems to downplay the importance of the female role but has it affected us that much that we have to boast about trying to be the best parent to and for our babies. We end up fighting eachother or making the other parent feel bad when really all we all want is happy healthy babies that love us. I don't know if this has always been the case with mother to mother relationships or if the recent increase in "communication" such as blogs, facebook etc has played a role in this behavior but I'm tired of it. I feel crappy about this. Just be the best parent you can be...you don't have to prove it to me.




side note...

Origin

'The proof of the pudding' is just shorthand for 'the proof of the pudding is in the eating'. That longer version makes sense at least, whereas the shortened version really doesn't mean anything - nor does the often-quoted incorrect variation 'the proof is in the pudding'. The continued use of that meaningless version is no doubt bolstered by the fact that the correct version isn't at all easy to understand.

The meaning become clear when you know that 'proof' here is a verb meaning 'test'. The more common meaning of 'proof' in our day and age is the noun meaning 'the evidence that demonstrates a truth' - as in a mathematical or legal proof. The verb form meaning 'to test' is less often used these days, although it does survive in several commonly used phrases: 'the exception that proves the rule', 'proof-read', 'proving-ground', etc. When bakers 'prove' yeast they are letting it stand in warm water for a time, to determine that it is active. Clearly, the distinction between these two forms of the word was originally quite slight and the proof in a 'showing to be true' sense is merely the successful outcome of a test of whether a proposition is correct or not.

'The proof of the pudding is in the eating' is a very old proverb. The Oxford Dictionary of Quotations dates it back to the early 14th century, albeit without offering any supporting evidence for that assertion. The phrase is widely attributed to Cervantes in The History of Don Quixote. This appears to be by virtue of an early 18th century translation by Peter Motteux, which has been criticised by later scholars as 'a loose paraphrase' and 'Franco-Cockney'. Crucially the Spanish word for pudding - 'budín', doesn't appear in the original Spanish text. It is doubtful that 'the proof of the pudding' was a figurative phrase that was known to Cervantes.

The earliest printed example of the proverb that I can find is in William Camden's Remaines of a Greater Worke Concerning Britaine, 1605:

"All the proof of a pudding is in the eating."

It is worth remembering that, as the phrase is quite old, the pudding wouldn't have been a sticky toffee pudding from the sweet trolley, but a potentially fatal savoury dish. In Camden's listing of proverbs he also includes "If you eat a pudding at home, the dog may have the skin", which suggests that the pudding he had in mind was some form of sausage. THE OED describes the mediaeval pudding as 'the stomach or one of the entrails of a pig, sheep, or other animal, stuffed with a mixture of minced meat, suet, oatmeal, seasoning, etc., and boiled'. Those of you who have ventured north of the border on Burns Night will recognize this as a fair description of a haggis - "the great chieftain o' the pudding-race", as Burns called it in the poem Address to a Haggis, 1786. Mediaeval peasants, faced with a boiled up farmyard massacre, might have thought a taste test to have been a wise choice.

http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/proof-of-the-pudding.html

Slow down mama, you're moving too fast...

These last few months my list of things I want to learn, make, do has grown so quickly. For some reason I tend to overwhelm myself with things Id like to accomplish and then become very disappointed in myself when I dont acomplish them.
Im not sure why I do this, I guess I want to be supermom... Make their toys, grow their food, make their clothes, you know that sort of stuff. I guess the desire stems from a not so terrible place but unfortunately is has caused me to become exhausted, overwhelmed and then terribly bummed out because I dont feel like Im doing enough. Its a weird cycle I have found myself stuck in these last few weeks. I think the holidays kicked that up quite a bit. I cooked, I cleaned, I baked, I made presents...I just slowly overloaded myself with things to do. And let me tell you, Ive got plenty of "things to do" already, three dogs, a cat and two kids keeps me plenty busy.
 So just when the holidays end...one of my babes turn 3. Third birthday, kind of a big deal so I can't be lazy on this! Well again I tried to take on too much and totally stressed myself out...so I asked for help. Something I have a hard time doing, even if Im asking my mister. I have a hard time admitting my short comings I suppose. I feel a lot better though. The mamas I asked for help have been more than amazing and an old friend even offered to come and help me bake all the cupcakes, the idea of frosting 30+ cupcakes really made me tired. In the end...thank you friends and mister for helping me get this done. Well almost done, the party is in two days and I think Im ready. No actually Im not, I still have several things to do. ha. There is another family birthday this month but I will not be hosting a party or anything of that nature, its my birthday. ;)
From here on out, Im slowing myself down and taking it easy. I feel like Im missing the important moments because Im trying to be a better mom. Im going to just take it one thing at a time. Ive accomplished a few of my little goals but Im going to slow down on the rest. Silly huh? I probably sound pretty crazy to those who don't have kids yet.

Oh life...


 Just when you feel like you're about to explode...ask for help, itll make you feel better trust me.