Sunday, December 11, 2011


Our situation is not exactly "normal". Normal to the American people, maybe, but not exactly the every day situation. I have two beautiful daughters with two different men...something I never expected myself to say, something that hurts every day for so many different reasons. I would not change the things that have happened in my life, I love both of my girls so much but I did not choose an easy path for anyone involved. I am reminded of this daily with the looks I get from people and the comments that friends and family make. The most hurtful from people who are near to us now. I don't think anyone could understand the levels of hurt in this situation, for everyone involved, unless they were living it themselves.
With the tip of the iceberg discussed I'm moving on...Xy lives full time with us and goes every other week to her fathers for three nights. Her father had a child a month before our child was born...makes for a very tough transition for Xy. She has handled it so well though. It is tough for a child to handle a new sibling matter the age or situation but Xy had to deal with two children being born very close together. Of course we didn't know they were having a baby and they didn't know we were having a baby...if these things would have been shared I think both parties would have wanted a different situation for Xys's sake...although I don't know if it has helped having the same situation at both houses or made it harder...I don't really know. I do know that working with Xy's father's wife and being open about things has been tremendous, it has helped so much along the way. There are so many things to look at in this situation. But overall, no matter what happened along the way Xy has done amazing. She is such a strong little girl and she has handled these two years of changes so well. She is sassy, smart and very sweet.
    So after Addie's birth when Xy woke up and ventured out into the living room (shockingly she slept through my birth howls) she saw her little sister. She climbed up and gently brushed her cheek. We whispered about her, she was a little overhwelmed by the presence of everyone being here but you could watch her fall in love. I've heard different stories of children being excited and children being sad or angry but Xy was just accepting and loving. She kissed her sister and hugged her. She has been such a wonderful big sister. She helps Addie, she sings to her, she plays with her...its so sweet. Yes there are moments that she struggles with it but those are rare and getting rarer by the days. Its unbelievable to watch such a transition in a child, she has gone from only child to having two siblings and handled it well. Of course there were bumps along the way, its to be expected  but overall its been great.
   The girls have such a sweet relationship right now...most of my pregnancy I thought I was having a boy (Not finding out what you are having is such a wonderful and beautiful experience, but that I'll discuss another day) until the very end when we all knew it was a girl...we just had a feeling. So in those last few weeks of preparing for two little girls, I was overwhelmed with fear of how it was going to go...I suppose I was a bit hormonal so that could explain some of the overwhelming feelings...and my MIL was here and well that relationship is anything but good, not to mention we just moved and Brian had just started a new job...but with all of that I never could have anticipated how smooth the transition would be. I knew the moment I met Addie's eyes that everything would be ok, with the release of the hormones and the worries and letting my body just take over and do its job and birth my baby for some reason my fears left, then her little eyes looking at me, so sweet, so gentle, she soothed me. Then when Xy came out and looked at her and I saw the love in her eyes my heart was completely settled.
   Sisters...a truly wonderful relationship.  Watching Xy sing to Addie, her baby sister and Addie stop crying and sit and smile at her big sister makes this mama so proud and overwhelmed with love.

No comments:

Post a Comment